Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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