I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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