he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
