even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
