I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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