remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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