so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
