this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
