This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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