I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
