the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
