just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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