felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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