her vagine was all disorganized.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
