A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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