I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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