My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
