Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
