ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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