he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
soo... how was my night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
