tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
