Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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