Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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