If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
