I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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