I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
