Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
