Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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