I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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