Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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