My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
