My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
