I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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