Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
