I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
