Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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