3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
