i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
