Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
