We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
