Need sex. Gaining weight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
