Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
