okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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