I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
