I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
