Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
