I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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