ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
