bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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