we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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