woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
