I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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