i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
