Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
